Wild Equilibrium

In this week's journal we explore fairness, what it means to be human, and the mirage of perfection. Finishing with an inspirational look at familiarity.

“I release the heavy chains of ‘should’ and ‘deserve,’ and instead, I choose to walk freely in alignment with the Tao’s quiet rhythm. In this ‘Wild Equilibrium’, I find not fairness, but something far greater, peace that doesn’t depend on outcomes, and a spirit unshaken by the unpredictable.”

Releasing the Chains of Fairness

Have you ever found yourself asking, "Why is this happening to me?" or insisting, "It’s just not fair!" Do you sometimes wonder why kind, sincere actions are met with indifference or why life seems to reward those who play by no rules at all? If these thoughts resonate, know that you’re not alone in grappling with life's most bewildering paradoxes.

This journal post will explore one of the most meaningful teachings of Taoism and Wu Wei Wisdom: the illusion of fairness. Together, we’ll examine the misplaced expectation that the Universe should follow our rules of justice, and we’ll consider how this misalignment causes frustration, resentment, and suffering. We'll offer new ways of seeing, fresh perspectives rooted in timeless Taoist truths. We’ll demonstrate this by letting go of the obsession with fairness, allowing us to move in harmony with life’s ever-changing rhythms and embrace a life full of grace, balance, and personal strength.

Let us begin our journey into the ‘Wild Equilibrium’, the place where fairness dissolves and peace emerges.

The Fairness Illusion: A Contract Life Never Signed

Somewhere in our upbringing, through cultural conditioning or childhood beliefs, we adopted an unspoken contract: “If I am good, life will treat me well. If I try my best, I will be rewarded. If I am kind, people will be kind to me.” The Inner Child clings tightly to these clauses, seeing the world through a simple lens of good versus evil, right versus wrong. When life and reality inevitably contradict these terms, when we are let down, betrayed, or disappointed despite our integrity, our Inner Child reacts. It complains, nags, and pressures us to resist what reality is. The Inner Child cannot understand why life seems indifferent to its sincere efforts.

This contradiction to its understanding leaves us confused, sparking anger, frustration, and even hopelessness. We may start to question our actions, our spirit, or worse, our self-worth. But let us gently untangle the knot here: the truth is not personal; it is universal. Life is not a ledger, a series of inputs and outputs where effort guarantees reward. It is not a transaction, and certainly not governed by fairness, at least not as the Inner Child defines it.

In moments of emotional upheaval, when we hear the internal cry of “It’s not fair!”, what are we truly hearing? It is not a cry for justice; it is a longing for control. It is our Inner Child revealing a more profound belief, saying, “Things are not the way I want them to be.” Beneath the wail is a hope that the world should bend to soothe our discomfort, a belief that life should conform to our emotional script. But fairness, as interpreted by the Inner Child, is often another name for unmet expectation. We mistake preference for principle.

The Tao, however, moves in effortless effort. As the Tao Te Ching so humbly reminds us, “The Tao does not favour; it flows like the river, nourishing all, regardless of merit or misdeed” (Verse 34). This is not cold indifference; it is the highest form of compassion, one that does not discriminate. The river does not withhold from the stone because the stone is hard. It flows. It nourishes. It carries all.

Expecting fairness is like asking the lion not to be a lion because we offered it water. This false expectation is not wisdom; it is a false contract that will end in disappointment. And yet, the Inner Child resists. It will protest, “But I tried so hard! I was kind! I didn’t deserve this!” Of course, it did try hard. Of course, it was kind. The Inner Child believes that its efforts should shield it from life’s inevitable ebb and flow. But the Tao teaches us that shields trap us and make us brittle. Flow and acceptance make us free.

This is not to dismiss the emotional pain. Instead, view the pain as an invitation to deepen your alignment. Can we soothe the Inner Child not with promises that life will always fulfil its desires, but with the wisdom that we can satisfy ourselves at any moment, no matter how challenging it may seem, by understanding and accepting that there is always a lesson to learn? True power lies not in trying to shape the world to our wishes but in aligning ourselves with life’s natural flow, trusting that every twist and turn forms part of a greater unfolding. To release the illusion of fairness is not a sign of weakness or defeat; it is liberation. It is the beginning of peace, grace, growth and an opportunity to touch our Shen spirituality.

The Myth of Deservedness and the Power of Acceptance

Believing that fairness is a spiritual right keeps us trapped in a victim mentality. We start to judge ourselves based on outcomes: “If this happened, then I must have failed.” But Taoist wisdom urges us to abandon the measuring stick altogether. Outcomes are not rewards or punishments; they are simply experiences. Nothing more, nothing less. When we see life as unfair, we shut ourselves off from its valuable lessons. When we accept life as it is, we open ourselves to growth. This is not resignation; it is a profound alignment.

In our journal post, "Unfolding the Tao Within: A Path to Enlightened Self-Acceptance," we explored how the Inner Child often clings to the illusion of control, believing that if life can be made predictable, then it can also be made safe and fair, meeting its expectations. This longing for order and justice creates a narrative where goodness must be rewarded and misfortune must have a cause. But as we reminded ourselves then, “Our strength comes not from imposing our will on reality but from aligning with its flow and celebrating the resulting graceful and elegant Oneness.” This teaching challenges us to recognise that seeking fairness through control only deepens our disconnection from the Tao. True freedom arises when we accept life’s mystery, release the need for guarantees, and live authentically in harmony with the ever-changing rhythms of existence.

Acceptance is not passive. It involves active, flexible engagement with life as it unfolds. It is about saying, “I will meet this moment fully with an open heart and spirit, not because it is fair, but because it is real.”

The Universe as an Unpredictable Symphony

Taoist thought sees the Universe not as a judge, but as a symphony. Each note, joy, sorrow, birth, loss, success, betrayal, is part of a grand composition. We don’t get to rearrange the music, but we can learn to dance. Wu wei teaches us to step into this dance with effortless effort, not by planning each move, but by feeling into the rhythm and allowing ourselves to flow where life leads, without force or resistance.

From the I Ching, Hexagram 32, we find a subtle truth: “Perseverance in alignment leads to constancy. That which is lasting flows with the Tao.” Life’s stability, then, does not come from fairness, but from our ability to adapt, to be like bamboo that bends in the storm without blame or resistance and does not break.

Letting go of fairness gives us back our flexibility. We are no longer at the mercy of unmet expectations. We become resilient, creative, open-hearted beings who can pivot, reframe, learn and evolve.

The Inner Child's Entitlement

Here is the quiet truth: what we call fairness is often simply a reflection of our desires and what we believe we are entitled to. Our sense of fairness is not a universal rule. What seems just and right to us may appear oppressive or irrelevant to others. This is where the Inner Child, in its innocence, becomes trapped. It clings tightly to its version of fairness, insisting that the world conform to it, using well-rehearsed justifications as evidence. And when it doesn’t, when people do not behave as we wish, or outcomes fail to match our emotional investment, we find ourselves spinning again on the ‘Carousel of Despair’.

That carousel plays a haunting tune: “This isn’t fair. Life isn’t fair. They don’t play fair. Poor me.” And round we go—hope, resistance, disappointment, more self-imposed evidence and justification—locked in a cycle of unmet expectations, growing frustration, and justifications. The Inner Child begins to nag us that the world is against us, that we are victims of fate or misfortune. But this belief is not a truth; it is a self-imposed prison.

To find spiritual freedom, we must let go of the illusion that our sense of fairness is the guiding star by which others and reality should steer. We need to cease trying to control people, events, and life itself to fit our internal blueprint of what is fair and just. It’s challenging because the Inner Child will protest. It will say, “But they should know better. They should understand!” Yet, true freedom comes only when we accept that they may never see what we see, value what we value, or choose what we would choose, and recognise that they too have their own story.

In our journal post Turning Negatives into Positives, we observed that the Inner Child uses restricting words and limiting beliefs to make sense of the chaos: “This isn’t fair.” “Why me?” “I didn’t deserve this.” These are cries for predictability, not truth.

We can gently reparent the Inner Child by explaining that unpredictability is not a threat, but a reality. We must teach them that we can be safe, even when things seem unfair. We can be calm, even when outcomes are uncertain. We can be powerful, not by controlling life, but by aligning with it and believing in the innate value and wisdom of our Shen spirit.

Living Without the Contract

So, what happens when we tear up the fairness contract? We return to the Tao. We remember our Shen. We stop performing for cosmic approval and start living with authenticity. As we wrote in Awakening to Your Inner Greatness: “Accolades do not define greatness, but by the courage to be authentic, the strength to be kind, and the wisdom to trust your journey”.

We do what is right, not because it earns us a reward, but because it reflects who we are. We speak truth, not to win favour, but because it is our language. We extend compassion, not to balance scales, but because our spirit knows no other way. Let others count points. Let the world keep score, while we choose alignment over fairness, grace over grievance.

Stepping into Wild Equilibrium

As we step into the ‘Wild Equilibrium’, we step out of expectation and into experience. We no longer demand the Universe make sense in our terms; we marvel at its complexity, dance with its dissonance, and find beauty in its unpredictability.

Fairness may be an illusion, but freedom is absolute. Freedom exists in acceptance, in releasing the habit of Comparing, Criticising, and being Judgmental (CCJ), and in welcoming life’s chaos with open arms. Life isn’t about making everything fair and customised to our expectations; it’s about learning to live well amid it all.

So let us take small, consistent, manageable steps forward, not towards certainty, but towards deeper alignment. Let us release the need for rewards, let go of the scoreboard, and remember that we are enough, simply because we are. We affirm: “I do not seek fairness. I seek harmony. I do not need reality to change; I will walk my path with flexibility and grace.”

Never doubt yourself. Your strength is not measured by how much life favours you, but by how steadily you move in alignment with the Tao. Step into the ‘Wild Equilibrium’ where fairness ends, and authenticity and freedom begin.

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Are We Failing at Being Flawless?

Have you ever found yourself paralysed by the belief that nothing you do is ever quite good enough? Do you lie awake, replaying conversations, performances, or to-do lists, feeling consumed by what you should have done better? Have you been caught in a loop, constantly striving to be perfect yet never arriving at satisfaction? You're not alone. Many of us are trapped in a self-imposed cycle of self-criticism and perfectionism, chasing an elusive ideal of flawlessness, which we refer to as the ‘Carousel of Despair’.

But what if the answer isn't to try harder, do more, or push further? What if true peace comes not from attaining perfection but from embracing our humanity? In this journal, we will explore the roots of self-criticism and perfectionism through the lens of Taoist wisdom and the concept of wu wei. We'll examine how our Inner Child fuels this exhausting drive, how societal narratives reinforce it, and how we can untangle ourselves from its grip. We'll also discuss practical steps for reconnecting with our Shen spirit, cultivating authenticity, and choosing a life aligned with effortless effort and flow.

Together, let’s explore the radical idea that it is not in perfection but in alignment where we find our peace. That perhaps being ‘Perfectly Human’ is not a failing, but a sacred invitation.

The Perfectionist's Mirage: Why “Good Enough” Never Feels Enough

Perfectionism wears many masks: ambition, diligence, even responsibility. It parades as a virtue but often disguises a silent torment. Beneath it lies a belief seeded early in life: that we are only worthy if we meet certain conditions, if we never make mistakes, never fall short, never disappoint.

We come to believe that our worth is conditional. Taoism teaches otherwise. The Tao Te Ching reminds us in Verse 52, “Return to the source of your life and discover who you have always been.” The Tao does not demand perfection. It flows naturally, accepting all forms and phases. Only we, in our misunderstanding, impose rigidity upon the soft dance of life.

Our Inner Child absorbed messages from authority figures and peers alike, messages that equated approval with performance. From that seed, we developed a coping mechanism: to control, perfect, and pre-empt criticism. But as we know from the ‘Carousel of Despair’ described in more detail in the journal post From Fear to Flow – The Inner Child’s Journey, this pursuit only leads us in circles, where fulfilment is always one step ahead.

This mirage of perfection seduces us with promises of love, success, and a sense of belonging. Yet it never delivers, because the standard it sets constantly shifts. It is a race without a finish line.

Why the Inner Child Never Rests

The nagging voice that chastises and pressures us when we slip up is often our Inner Child. Though childish in tone, its motives are deeply rooted in a desire for protection. It fears rejection and pain, so it builds walls of “shoulds” and “musts” to defend itself.

However, the more we listen, the tighter we hold onto these false narratives. As we explored in Turning Negatives into Positives, the Inner Child’s language is riddled with restrictions like “but” and “I can’t,” forming mental barriers that seem like protection but, in truth, are prisons.

This voice tells us we are never good enough, and it builds a life upon CCJ, Criticising, Comparing, and being Judgmental. However, when we recognise that these are echoes of early conditioning, rather than truths, we gain the ability to respond with compassion rather than compliance.

Instead of silencing the Inner Child, we must listen carefully and nurture it. Ask, “Why do you believe we have to be perfect to be loved?” Then lovingly discuss and reframe those beliefs with ones grounded in Shen: “We are already enough. We can create all the love we need.”

Reframing Worth: From Conditional to Intrinsic

The most powerful shift we can make is from conditional to intrinsic worth. Our Shen, our spiritual essence, is immutable, radiant, and whole. It needs no improvement, only recognition and connection.

In the ‘Unfolding the Tao Within’ journal post, we reminded ourselves that “Each stumble, twist and turn, every apparent setback, is not a sign of failure but a precious brushstroke of insight that guides us towards our authentic core.” This is where real wisdom resides, not in success, but in the courage to live authentically.

This shift in perspective requires us to turn inward. Not to criticise, but to enquire. Not to fix, but to understand. Practice asking yourself: “What belief am I holding that makes this mistake ‘feel’ unbearable?” Then gently trace the Golden Thread back to its origin.

The I Ching, Hexagram 52, advises keeping the back still, pausing and observing the inner terrain before reacting. This inner stillness is where truth is born. We need not act from urgency or shame. We can rest in the spaciousness of self-acceptance and move only when truly aligned.

The Trap of External Validation

Another common illusion we must address is the dependency on external validation. Whether we seek applause, approval, or likes, this external chase often stems from the Inner Child’s old belief that love must be earned. It is a deep belief pattern, one born not from weakness but from innocence, from the days when our small hands reached out for confirmation in the eyes of our caretakers. As children, it was entirely natural to look to authority figures — our parents, teachers, or trusted adults — for signs of safety and worth. Sometimes, it was as subtle as a smile withheld or a sigh misunderstood. At other times, the message came sharply, through unkind words, rejection, or even physical harm. Each glance, word, or action left an imprint, and from these, we constructed a belief system; a fragile scaffolding that whispered, "My value depends on how others respond to me."

This belief once served us as a rudimentary compass in a world too vast to navigate alone. But now, as adults seeking wholeness, we must gently take that compass from the trembling hands of our Inner Child and offer a wiser tool: discernment. The most difficult truth to accept, yet the most liberating, is that no external validation can define our intrinsic worth. The Shen within us, our eternal spirit, was never broken, never in need of repair. It has always been enough. However, the part of us that clings to praise and fears disapproval remains stuck in that old emotional blueprint, still hoping that someone else will permit us to believe we are worthy.

This, we must lovingly mature. We must meet that Inner Child at the edge of this old belief and say: “You are already safe. You are already loved. You do not need to audition for worthiness.” The belief that our value is contingent upon another’s reaction is like chasing our reflection on the surface of water; it disappears the moment we touch it. What if we stopped grasping outwardly and began listening inwardly?

In Taoist teaching, true power arises not from control but from alignment. In the quiet flow of wu wei, we cease striving for approval and begin harmonising with our true essence. That is where freedom lives. To paraphrase the Tao Te Ching, “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”

Let us not remain emotional orphans in our own adult lives. Let us reclaim the authority once projected onto others, and offer our Inner Child the validation it has always longed for, not through applause or affirmation from the outside world, but through the unshakeable knowing that we are enough because we exist. We have always been enough.

So, let us return to our innate values and worth. Let us live by what matters to us, not what matters to others. Create a personal compass. Ask, “Is this decision a reflection of my Shen?” If the answer is yes, proceed. If no, pause and realign.

Effortless Effort: The Taoist Antidote

We cannot overcome perfectionism by striving even harder. The solution is not about doing more, but about allowing. Wu wei, effortless effort, is not about passivity but about alignment. It is the elegant dance between intention (Yi) and alignment, where nothing is forced, and yet everything flows.

Verse 64 of the Tao Te Ching offers this paradox: “A journey of a thousand miles begins beneath one’s feet.” The journey is not fully mapped; the end is not yet in sight. It begins with the next natural step. And that step arises not from fear, but from the clarity of truth, honesty and integrity, your Shen spirit.

When we act from wu wei, we create from our centre. We honour the rhythm of life. We allow space for mistakes and remain open to redirection. There is no panic. No pressure. Only presence. This is the essence of self-compassion: not letting ourselves off the hook, but treating ourselves with kindness even as we grow and evolve.

Small, Consistent, Manageable Steps

Transformation does not require grand gestures. It begins with small, consistent, manageable steps taken without expectation or criticism. When the Inner Child panics, gently remind them: “We are not here to prove anything. We are here to explore, to learn, to live.”

Try starting your day with this affirmation: “I trust my pace. I do not rush to be enough. I already am.” End it by releasing the pressure: “Today, I lived in alignment. That is more than enough.” Refuse to engage in CCJ, Criticising, Comparing, and being Judgmental. These are traps, not truths. Instead, celebrate every effort made in authenticity. Each one is a step towards harmony.

Returning to Wholeness

To be ‘Perfectly Human’ is not to be without flaws. It is to embrace our contradictions, our uncertainties, our unique unfolding. The Tao does not ask us to be polished. It asks us to be real.

And in being real, we must also be willing to be imperfect. In truth, we only learn by making mistakes. If we are not stumbling, we are not truly walking. If we do not falter, we are not trying hard enough. Each misstep is not a failure of character but a whisper from the Tao, gently redirecting our path. The belief that perfection is the goal is a deception that tightens around the spirit like a vice. It freezes our flow and disconnects us from our Shen.

However, authentic life requires risk. It demands presence. It invites us to move forward, not with certainty, but with sincerity. Every so-called error is a sacred experiment, a lesson in motion. We honour the Tao not by avoiding failure but by allowing ourselves the space to explore, expand, and evolve without self-condemnation.

The path of wu wei teaches us that the river does not apologise for the bends in its journey. Neither should we. Let our ‘mistakes’ be celebrated as signs of courage, our imperfections recognised as gateways to understanding. This is the gentle paradox of the Tao: the more we accept our flaws, the closer we move to harmony. In this space of radical self-acceptance, we are not just human; we are whole.

Let us return to the truth that we are enough, not someday, not if, but now. Let’s realign with the flow of wu wei, honouring the slow, patient rhythm of the Tao. Let’s reclaim our Shen, speak to our Inner Child with compassion, and set down the burden of perfection. We are not here to be flawless. We are here to be whole.

The Courage to Be Real

Let us end with the wisdom of the Tao Te Ching, Verse 58: “When governing is relaxed, the people are genuine. When the heart is soft, life becomes whole.” When we stop demanding perfection from ourselves, our true nature shines through, unforced, unafraid, and unbelievably radiant.

As we continue this journey of self-discovery, let us walk gently but firmly away from the mirage of perfection and into the sanctuary of authenticity. Let us hold hands with our Inner Child, not to chastise but to reassure. Let’s trust in our Shen and the natural unfolding of our path.

Never doubt yourself. Take small, consistent, manageable steps without expectations. Release the grip of CCJ —Criticising, Comparing, and being Judgmental —and move with grace. Align, don’t strive. Flow, don’t force. Rest, don’t rush.

Because the truth is revolutionary and straightforward: we are already enough. We always have been. And this radical acceptance is what it means to be ‘Perfectly Human’.

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Have you ever said to yourself, “If I could just be better, then I’d finally be enough”? Have you noticed how that thought repeats, louder some days than others, like a quiet chant whispered by your Inner Child, nagging, pressuring, even chastising you for falling short of perfection?

This journal post is for all of us who have ‘felt’ trapped in the belief that our worth must be earned, that love and acceptance reside somewhere beyond the next achievement or flawless moment. We’re here to break that illusion. Through Taoist wisdom and the gentle guidance of wu wei, we’ll examine the roots of perfectionism and self-criticism, nurture the truth of our intrinsic value, and chart a new path, away from the ‘Mirage Mindset’ and toward authenticity.

Together, let’s understand why we chase perfection, where it leads, and how to realign with the gentle yet firm flow of life.

The Chase for Perfection: Always Just Out of Reach

The idea of perfectionism falsely promises safety, approval, and love. It whispers that if we get everything right, we’ll finally be OK, finally worthy and be held in high esteem by everyone. But the Tao reminds us that this pursuit is a distortion of the natural flow. Life, in its most profound form, isn’t perfect; it’s balanced, evolving, and honest. It doesn’t demand flawlessness, it invites authenticity. And yet, when we buy into the illusion of perfectionism, we must also adopt the invisible yardstick used to measure it. But who created that yardstick? Who decided what “perfect” even looks like? Who holds the authority to measure us against such impossible heights? And how can we ever truly know where we stand on this imagined scale?

This is the quiet trap of perfectionism; it doesn’t only ask us to strive; it insists that we conform to someone else’s scale, often one we didn’t create, don’t understand, and can never satisfy. As soon as we accept its terms, we hand over our sovereignty and place our self-worth in the hands of an invisible judge. However, the Tao, in its gentle clarity, reveals another perspective: ‘perfection is a perception’. It cannot be held, it cannot be fixed, and it certainly cannot be universal. Like trying to grasp water, the tighter we grip, the more it slips through our fingers.

There are no hierarchical yardsticks in nature, no ranking systems in the rivers, the forests, or the stars. The Tao flows through everything without judgment or measurement. It simply is, complete in its imperfection, divine in its chaos. As Verse 70 of the Tao Te Ching offers us: “My words are very easy to understand and very easy to practice, yet no one under heaven understands them or practices them.” Why? Because we are often too busy measuring and judging instead of experiencing. Too focused on climbing invisible ladders rather than embracing the ground beneath our feet.

Let us gently step back from the ledge of comparison and control. Let us surrender the need to prove our worth through faultless behaviour or social approval. Instead, we return to our centre, to wu wei, the effortless effort that trusts in the unfolding of each moment. We are not here to be perfect. We are here to be authentic. And in that realness, in that messy, beautiful, evolving honesty, we rediscover our truest harmony.

Verse 52 of the Tao Te Ching reminds us: “Return to the source and you will find serenity. Not knowing the source leads to confusion and sorrow.” That source is our Shen, our radiant inner light, not dependent on achievements or validation. Yet perfectionism pulls us away from it, convincing us that worth lives somewhere out there, just beyond reach.

Perfection is a mirage. No matter how far we stretch or how much we achieve, the finish line keeps moving. And when we stumble, the Inner Child doesn’t comfort; it reproaches. It insists we try harder, do more, and hide every flaw, as if effort alone could buy acceptance. In truth, this pursuit mirrors the timeless image of a donkey chasing a carrot suspended just out of reach. Step after step, it trudges forward, never realising that what it longs for is unreachable, undefined, and ultimately, unfulfilling.

The more we chase perfection, the more entangled we become in the belief that we’re not enough as we are. Like the donkey, we wear ourselves down in pursuit of something that will always be unreachable. The Tao guides us here to pause and ask: “What are we truly seeking?” Is it the carrot, or the fulfilment we think it will bring?

This is the gentle foolishness the Tao reveals, not in a mocking tone, but with a compassionate and loving embrace. We are not flawed for wanting love, safety, or respect. But believing that perfection is the only path to receive them is where the distortion lies. In the dance of life, the Tao teaches us not to grasp at illusions but to return to what is real, what is true, what is present. To see our imperfections not as problems to fix but as sacred signs of our humanity.

True peace doesn’t dangle ahead; it lives quietly within. And once we stop the desperate march and rest in our presence, we realise that the carrot is a mirage. There was only the path, the moment, and the truth of who we already are.

This cycle is relentless. But it’s not irreversible.

Understanding the Root: The Inner Child's Fear of Rejection

The need to be perfect is not a personal flaw; it is a common human trait. It’s a pattern, a survival strategy rooted in the unresolved beliefs of our Inner Child. When love felt conditional, when approval had to be earned, we created a rule: “I must be perfect to be safe.” However, for many of us, this strategy evolved into something even more enchanting and more deceptive. The Inner Child didn’t just want to be accepted; it yearned to be exceptional. It spun a fairy-tale image of the adored leader: flawless, praised, never criticised, always admired. In this imagined world, perfection meant invincibility, no more blame, no more comparisons, just unwavering love and honour.

This vision is powerful, and understandably so. To a child seeking safety, the role of the beloved hero appears to be the ultimate escape from vulnerability. But let’s gently question this myth. Even the most admired leaders are not immune to judgment, nor are they universally loved. And isn’t genuine respect rooted not in flawlessness but in authenticity, compassion, and courage?

The Inner Child may resist: “But if I’m not perfect, won’t they reject me? Won’t I be forgotten, cast aside?” That voice is innocent, yet misinformed. It mistakes conditional approval for authentic connection. In reality, the spirit recognises truth more than perfection. And so, the image of the perfect leader is more mirage than map, a castle built on clouds that drifts farther away the harder we chase it.

Let’s offer a new metaphor: the oak tree. It stands tall not because it is flawless but because it is rooted. Through storms and seasons, it bends, it creaks, but it endures, respected not for being unshaken, but for being real. We, too, are like that tree. Our worth is not in polished perfection, but in our rootedness, in how deeply we know and accept ourselves, even when the winds of criticism blow.

The Tao whispers: let go of illusions, especially the ones that promise safety at the cost of authenticity. In the freedom of imperfection, we find something far richer than praise; we find peace and acceptance.

This Inner Child part of us is not malicious. It is innocent, scared, and yearning for stability in an unpredictable world. But its logic is outdated. It mistakes growth for danger and authenticity for risk.

In a previous journal post, From Fear to Flow, we reflected that “our pursuit of control, much like a child in a chaotic crowd seeking the familiar hand, reveals our Inner Child’s deep yearning for stability in life’s unpredictable theatre.” It’s a powerful image, our Inner Child, lost in confusion, simply wanting something solid to hold onto. And perfectionism becomes that false hand. It seems steady, promising protection and praise, but it never truly leads to safety or peace.

Still, our Inner Child clings to it, hoping it will calm the chaos. That’s why it needs our support; our wiser self must gently guide our 'little one' to a more profound truth. Not the false hand of perfection, but the steady, unconditional hand of Shen, our eternal spirit. This is the hand that never lets go, not because we’ve earned it, but because it has always been there, patiently waiting to be recognised. What the Inner Child doesn’t know yet is that it no longer needs to grasp, because Shen will always hold its hand.

Wu Wei: The Effortless Effort of Being Enough

When we act with intention (Yi), but not from desperation. We speak from truth, not out of fear of judgment. We rest, not out of laziness, but because we recognise our worth is not tied to productivity.

In this state, mistakes are not failures; they are brushstrokes on the canvas of our life. As the I Ching’s Hexagram 18 teaches: “Correcting what has been spoiled by the past brings clarity and strength. Reforming begins with oneself and ripples outward.”

This isn’t about blame, it’s about awareness and acceptance. When we become aware of the spoiled beliefs we inherited, such as the notion that love must be earned and flaws are shameful, we begin to correct them. Gently. Lovingly. Repeatedly.

From Criticism to Clarity: Reparenting the Inner Child

To live differently, we must speak to our Inner Child in a new language, not one of punishment, but of honesty. When it pressures us with “You’re not enough,” we respond, “Enough for who? According to what?” This process is not indulgence. It is reeducation.

We become the parent that part of us needed, one who holds space for imperfection, values the attempt over the outcome, and separates worth from performance. We replace CCJ (Criticising, Comparing and being Judgmental) with compassion, curiosity, and consistency.

We can even begin our day by asking: “What would it look like to live from my truth today?” That small question plants a seed. Over time, it grows into a tree of strength with deep roots that no failure can uproot.

Authentic Intention Over Outcome

Living free from perfectionism doesn’t mean we lose our standards. It means we change what we measure. No longer do we ask, “Did I win?” Instead, we ask, “Did I act from my values and authenticity?”

This is authentic intention, choosing actions because they reflect who we are, not because they guarantee a particular result. It is essential to remember that our worth is not a product of our achievements, but an expression of who we are. And that shift is everything.

It changes how we work, rest, and love. It invites us to be present, rather than perfect. The ‘Mirage Mindset’ tells us we are never enough. It sells a lie wrapped in glitter, that perfection will save us. Let’s return to the Tao. Let’s return to ourselves. Your Shen has never dimmed. Even in your most self-critical moments, it was there, watching, waiting, loving. You are not a project to be completed. You are a life to be lived.

So, take the next step, no matter how small. Speak kindly to your Inner Child. Question the old beliefs. Let go of CCJ. Honour your truth with action, not fear. And walk forward, not to become perfect, but to become free.

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Moments of Inspiration…

The Prison of the Familiar

Have you ever caught yourself reaching for the same thought, same habit, or same excuse, almost unconsciously? That quiet, well-trodden path of “how it’s always been” can start to ‘feel’ like safety. But often, it’s not safety at all, it’s a prison dressed as comfort.

We stay in relationships that no longer align, routines that no longer serve, and mindsets that shrink rather than expand us. Why? Because the unknown, though rich with potential, threatens the illusion of control. The familiar may be dull, painful, even toxic, but at least we know its rules. And so, we choose it again and again.

The Tao whispers differently. It does not shout for revolution or demand massive change. Instead, it invites us into soft awakenings, moments of inspiration that ripple like wind across still water. These are the subtle nudges, the inner knowing, the sacred discomfort that stirs when we realise: we are meant to grow beyond our repetition.

Wu wei, the principle of effortless effort, teaches us that liberation doesn't come from force; it comes from honest presence. When we choose to pause, to question, to ask gently, “Is this still true for me?” we begin to unlock the door. And when we take just one step outside the prison of the familiar, we discover the breathtaking view of our true potential.

Affirm: “I am not bound by habit or history. I choose to walk freely into the grace of what might be”.

This week, let us listen for the whispers. Let us answer them. Let us live not from routine, but from our ever-unfolding truth of value and worth.

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In the Next ‘Inner Circle’ (Paid) Journal…

• Sacred Alignment

• Refusing the Struggle

• Quiet Courage

• Moments of Inspiration

In the Next Free Journal…

• Shifting the Story

• The Stillness Before Action

• The Strength of Softness

• Moments of Inspiration

Journal #F039 28/07/2025